Tips
For Parents
In April 2007, The South Bay Coalition began a monthly
column in
The
Beach Reporter.
Following are the articles that have appeared:
(2007 Tips Columns)
Talking With Your Teen
(March 2008)
The Youth Advisory
Committee,
a division of the South Bay Youth Project, is a dynamic group of high
school students who strive to promote healthy, alcohol and drug-free
lifestyles to their peers. At least, that is what we are in technical
terms. In real life, we are the unique youth-led group that promotes
healthy lifestyles for youth and young adults through a variety of
programs. For example, Late Night Sports, a life-skills based
basketball program hosted every Saturday night (see www.myspace.com/latenightsports).
We also host South Bay middle-school dance eight times a year to
provide a safe alternative activity for young students. We help clean
up the beach, lead sessions during youth conferences, and have
Leadership Trips to refresh and rejuvenate the way we think of
leadership and of ourselves. And yet after all of that, we are still
regular high school students who just know what it is like to be a
contemporary teenager.
We have written this article (our second, in fact!) in an effort to
help you, the parents, see a side of the story that your child might
not always reveal to you. It is you that most often has the greatest
effect on your child and the way they treat their bodies and their
health as they grow up. With that in mind, we now delve into our own
opinions to show you what the typical teenager wants and needs from the
parent-child relationship, whether or not they say it out loud.
Try to find a medium level of comfort with your child, somewhere in
between the teacher and the best friend. In all honesty, it is
impossible for either one to work all of the time.
Try not to confront your child in front of their peers. Especially
today, public humiliation often means “the end of the
world”. Using it as a tool won’t make them remember
the
lesson, just the time you embarrassed them. Simply put, this could lead
to plain bitterness.
Keep in mind that your child’s problems are important to
them, no
matter how silly or juvenile they seem to you as an adult. Relationship
problems or clothing dilemmas might appear to be a waste of time in
your 30+ years of experience, but your child is just that – a
child. Making their problems your problems will end up allowing them to
feel comfortable with talking to you about anything.
Remember that it’s not war or a competition – an
argument
really isn’t about winning or losing. If you know that your
child
is speaking reasonably, don’t be stubborn. Your child will
still
respect you if you admit a mistake you have made – we should
know
before long that you are not perfect.
Try not to raise your voice, as all it does is escalate the tension.
Staying calm and talking rationally is much more productive than an
emotional breakdown. If you are a regular screamer, your child could
just tune you out – in all likelihood, it’s
something they
know how to do really well. If you become a regular time bomb, it will
be hard for them to take you seriously.
Attempt to understand your child’s side of the story. Cutting
them short when they’re trying to explain their feelings is a
lack of respect, as it would be if they did it to you. Don’t
assume that you understand everything they are saying before they
actually finish.
Be wary of the severity of your threats. Teenagers are fully capable of
spiteful actions if they know you won’t expect them to follow
through.
Act your age! Your child may not say they need it, but parents are
essential for guidance and support, so be the kind of person you want
them to be. Teenagers are smart enough to know what
“hypocrite” means. Stories about your high school
bell-bottom sizes are funny, but serving alcohol at your
child’s
party is not. You cannot possibly demand respect from your children or
even your peers if you are enabling their bad behavior, even if out of
feigned ignorance.
Recognize your child’s strengths and abilities, as well as
their
weaknesses and faults. If you are not accepting of what they are or are
not capable of, you cannot possibly expect them to be comfortable with
themselves either. Their best is all they can do, and it is different
for every child.
Make yourself available and easy to talk to. Always be willing to talk,
because open communication between parent and child is one of the best
ways to prevent estrangement and shameful secrets.
If you are unsure of
when or where to
talk to your child, we’ve suggested some simple ways!
Parent-child relationships should be supportive and sometimes serious,
but it is always possible to have fun.
Take them out to dinner.
Take a
local road-trip through the city… or to the local ice-cream
parlor. If you have not tried before, try listening to their radio
station of choice…you never know what you might actually
enjoy.
Watch one of their
favorite TV shows with them! You will most likely have
some outrageous drama to discuss afterwards…
Plan a family dinner and cook it with them, or get a new
dessert recipe and bake it!
Go out together before school and start their day with
them at a local coffee house.
The above information from
TheAntiDrug.com, is brought to you by the
South Bay Coalition and the Manhattan Beach Police Department. The
South Bay Coalition (www.sbcoalition.com) is a
non-profit partnership
of agencies working to prevent substance abuse among our
community’s youth. To
order our booklet: A
Parent’s Guide To The Prevention Of Alcohol And Other Drugs, please visit our website or
contact: events@sbcoalition.com.
Back
To Top
TIPS FOR PARENTS
(February 2008)
By Rod Uyeda, Chief Of
Police, Manhattan Beach, CA
As we start another year, we all have another opportunity to begin anew
all of our efforts to combat the use of alcohol, tobacco, and other
drugs by our young people. By all of us, I especially mean
parents, teachers, adults and the young people themselves. So
many of our young people are faced with difficult decisions, and the
bad ones are often times accompanied by peer pressure by those who have
already taken major steps to permanently and negatively affect their
future through alcohol and other drug abuse.
Why do young people intentionally choose to abuse substances that they
know are illegal at their age and know are bad for their health?
Probably because adults, as well as the media and film industry, make
it appear so much fun to do. I’m not being critical of
adults for their use of tobacco and alcohol, though I do harshly
criticize adults who indulge in illegal drugs. But, for any adult
who believes that their child is not using these substances, you need
to be aware that statistically, over half of all teenagers use one of
these substances…many to excess! The bottom line is that
pressure from their peers and their own faulty decision making leads
them down this dangerous path and many young people who do not
successfully leave this path suffer tragic consequences. For
young people, take these statistics to heart! Alcohol and other drugs
destroy lives! Don’t add to the long, long list of those who
learned the hard way!
For parents…if a school offers voluntary drug testing
programs
and your child is not a part of that program, that is a huge red flag!
If a coach encourages his or her athletes not to participate in drug
testing programs, that is another huge red flag. If your children avoid
you when they come home late at night, that is a huge red flag! The
police and the schools can only do so much when it comes to helping
your children avoid alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. The major
responsibility falls on you…parents and coaches. Drug
testing
holds people accountable. If you suspect, ask your child about testing.
If they refuse, there is probably use taking place. The consequences
are to wait until something tragic happens, by which time, it may be
too late to make a difference.
Did you know that out of every 100 people that apply to become police
officers only 1% are hired? Alcohol and other drugs are a major factor
in disqualifying applicants that didn’t realize the
consequences
of illegal drug use and underage drinking. It comes down to a matter of
courage, judgment, and character. It takes tremendous courage to
“say no” to peer pressure. And it shows strength in
judgment and character to stay away from things that you know are bad
for you.
It is a team effort to help our young people stay away from alcohol,
tobacco, and other drugs. Let’s all do our part to help
ensure
their long life and success!
The above information from
TheAntiDrug.com, is brought to you by the
South Bay Coalition and the Manhattan Beach Police Department. The
South Bay Coalition (www.sbcoalition.com) is a
non-profit partnership
of agencies working to prevent substance abuse among our
community’s youth. To
order our booklet: A
Parent’s Guide To The Prevention Of Alcohol And Other Drugs, please visit our website or
contact: events@sbcoalition.com.
Back To Top
Lessons from the Road: New Teen
Drivers
(January 2008)
Getting
a driver's license is a milestone in a teen's life. Each year, some
9,000 16-and 17-year-olds get behind the wheel nationwide with their
driver's licenses. Young drivers are already at risk for car crashes,
due to the combination of driving inexperience and distractions, such
as having additional passengers in the car, eating, or talking on cell
phones. In fact, collisions are the leading cause of death for young
people aged 15-20. These accident risks are greater when the driver is
using illicit drugs, such as marijuana, as well.
Here are some guidelines parents can follow to help their teen avoid
drugged, drunk, and distracted driving:
Know What's In The Car:
One of the most common places high school
seniors report smoking marijuana is in their cars. There are numerous
products on the market that disguise drugs and drug paraphernalia as
everyday items, such as soda cans and CD cases, which teens can easily
carry in cars without attracting attention. Parents should become
familiar with these items - and other hiding places for drugs - and
conduct occasional car checks.
Map Out A Plan:
Set limits on driving, especially in high-risk
conditions such as at night or on the highway, in poor weather
conditions and with other teens in the car. Limit your teen from riding
with other new drivers, and make sure he or she never gets in a car
with anyone who has been drinking or using other drugs.
Take Caution:
Know where your teen is and who he or she is with. Get to
know your teen's friends and their friends' parents. Be sure you know
the route they intend to drive when they go out.
Establish Pit Stops:
Develop a check-in time with your teen - a time
when your child calls in and gives a “status
report” of
where he or she is and who he or she is with.
Go For A Spin:
Reinforce safe driving skills with your teen even after
he or she has a license by going for drives together. This can also be
a good time to catch up and have an open conversation about important
issues like alcohol or other drugs.
Did You Know?
- Approximately
one in six high school seniors in the U.S. report driving under the
influence of marijuana.
- Nearly
one in five 16-year-old drivers is involved in a collision in their
first year of driving.
To keep
teen drivers safe on the road, many states are imposing rules
regarding the number of passengers teen drivers can have in the car,
cell phone usage and the number of hours new drivers can be on the
road. Be sure to check with your state's Department of Transportation
web site for specific details.
The above information from
TheAntiDrug.com, is brought to you by the
South Bay Coalition and the Manhattan Beach Police Department. The
South Bay Coalition (www.sbcoalition.com) is a
non-profit partnership
of agencies working to prevent substance abuse among our
community’s youth. To
order our booklet: A
Parent’s Guide To The Prevention Of Alcohol And Other Drugs, please visit our website or
contact: events@sbcoalition.com.
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